‘Hey You Guys!’

sloth

Hopefully Sloth, The Goonies beefy but lovable misfit monster, will make a return appearance in the alleged Goonies 2 sequel. The last we saw of the Goon Dock adventurers was 30 years ago when they were kids in search of One-eyed Willy’s pirate treasure. It will be interesting to see what adventure awaits them as adults. Imagine the potential plot-lines – Mikey’s mid-life crisis leads him to quit his job, while Chunk struggles with weight gain. Mouth loses all his money in the stock market and Data’s facing a class action lawsuit due to a wrongful death by one of his inventions. High school sweethearts, Brand and Andy, are getting a divorce because of an affair with Stef. Maybe Sloth will save the day. Wonder what he’s been up to for the last three decades.

Party Animal

teenwolf

Like all things 80s, there was a time when Michael J. Fox was box office gold. I think any success the movie Teen Wolf  enjoyed was linked to Fox’s rising celebrity and people’s fascination with monster makeup (e.g. special effects makeup master Rick Baker turned Michael Jackson’s Thriller video into a miniature horror movie – and we watched it). I never did see Teen Wolf Too with Jason Bateman, but my guess is it was a disappointing sequel.

Bond Issue

bond

Next month, Daniel Craig will star in his fourth film as James Bond, SpectreThe blond, blue-eyed actor and his 5 foot 10 build raised some concerns with fans over whether or not he ‘fits’ the traditional role of Ian Flemmings’ tall, dark and handsome super spy (how else do you explain sites like ‘danielcraigisnotbond.com‘?). I don’t know, he must be doing okay… Did I mention this is his fourth Bond film?

Fast Eddie

newmanLast night I watched the classic flick, ‘The Hustler’ starring Paul Newman. This 1961 melodrama about a small-time pool shark featured some high-stakes ‘stick’, a tragic love story and a lot of smoking. This movie serves as an interesting back story to Martin Scorcese’s 1986 follow-up ‘The Color of Money’ where a much older and wiser Eddie Felson mentors the young and talented nine-ball show-off, Vincent Lauria (Tom Cruise), on how to become a major league pool hustler. Though lambasted as a weak successor to ‘The Hustler’, Newman’s reprisal of the character netted him a Best Actor Oscar that year.

Indispensible Expendability

 

I couldn’t help but chuckle in 2010 when I saw the trailer advertising ‘the Expendables’. Looks like Stallone took all that pent-up testosterone left over from the 80s to recruit a roster of action-hero poster boys to star in some age-defying feat of heroism. I was admittedly ‘kind of’ intrigued. Last week the second installment hit theaters – this time with Ah-nuld. Now, that teenage boy inside of me is a little more curious knowing that an encore might warrant some attention. I can’t help but wonder how time has treated this reunion of beloved, muscle heads.

Having seen neither film I can’t help but dismiss it as 90 minutes of explosive, shell-spraying machismo filled with the familiar, tongue-in-cheek one-liners. In other words – it would be a great guy flick. I may have to catch up with this franchise. My teenage son has already expressed some interest though I find it hard to believe that these sexagenarians will connect with his demographic.

In an age of Hollywood reboots, it’s nice to see some stars embracing the genre that made them who they are. If you’ve seen it, let me know if these over-the-hill heroes are worth the price of admission. If anything, it could give Planet Hollywood a shot in the arm.

Wallet Raider

indianajones

We tried to warn them. Last night, after months of persistent begging, we allowed our two boys to rent the train-wreck that was Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. Unbelievably they both felt that it was as bad as we did. At one point my oldest scoffed, “a flying saucer?! C’mon!” My sentiments exactly.

As a fan of the original IJ trilogy, I felt Speilberg and Lucas did this only for the money. How else can you explain the 50s cliche-ridden storyline? It’s like they sat down for drinks one day and decided to make a word list of EVERYTHING that comes to mind when you think of the ‘1950s’. I think they succeeded in putting every last one of those items into the film somehow. Atomic bombs. Aliens. Russians. Greasers. Rock ‘n Roll. Tarzan escapades. Spies. Even Indy himself sarcastically utters the slogan from Eisenhower’s presidential campaign as a defiant response to Cate Blanchett’s Irina Spalko (a dead ringer for Natasha from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show).

Also laughable was the waffling Mac (Roy Winstone), the mush brain Oxley (John Hurt) and the dysfunctional familial banter between Marian (Karen Allen), Indy and Shia LeBeouf’s Mutt Williams. I still believe George and Steve were banking on audiences to fall in love with Mutt so they could pass the fedora and whip on to him for a couple more films (Mutt Williams and the Cardboard Actor, Mutt Williams and the Terrible Moniker).

I feel bad for panning this movie, but it truly deserves all the Razzies and Rotten Tomatoes it gets. About the only impressive aspect of the film was the fact that the now 67 year-old Harrison Ford looked every bit as young and fit as the 50-something adventurer he was portraying. And that was without special effects. It’s unfortunate that he wasn’t given a more meaty and majestic film to complete the Indy legacy.