“The potatoes are lumpy, the turkey’s like shoe leather, the gravy’s cold, I found a hair in my cranberries and, I’m sorry, I don’t see what’s so fabulous about maize. First Thanksgiving?! This will be my last!”
Blog
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Ungrateful Pilgrim
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Mouse Trap
There’s a history of rodent infestation in the building where I work, so it’s not uncommon to see three mouse traps in a single office. I heard rumors that if you listen closely you might even hear them squeaking and running in the ceiling. I’ve seen droppings on occasion, but have never, in all my years on the job, actually discovered a trap victim… except for a dead mighty mouse, which we planted to have a little fun with the custodians. Something tells me, they’ll have the last laugh. -
On the way to Plymouth Rock…
The Pilgrims, while searching for a prudent location to moor the Mayflower, happened upon a large granite edifice. Tragically the vessel caught a piece of the rock and began to take on water. All passengers aboard had to evacuate with supplies via the ship’s cutters. Thankfully all were spared and lived long, fruitful lives in the New World. The following month a pier was constructed to insure such a tragedy never occurred again. #GetAPieceoftheRock -
Inappropriate Choices
I saw the trailer for the new Warner Brothers flick Sherlock Holmes and couldn’t help but feel this way about their choice to cast Robert Downey Jr. in the lead. I think he’s a superb actor, but this choice, in my opinion, reflects Hollywood’s tendency to latch on to the surefire winners for even recycled fare to make it profitable. I believe that WB is jumping the shark…again. They even feature Holmes and Watson escaping death in that infamous hero cliché shot (an explosion sends their silhouettes hurling away from a fireball towards the viewer). Who knows, maybe it will be a hit – a la Michael Keaton as Batman – and children the world over will flock to libraries and bookstores to sponge up every last bit of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s works. Only time will tell. -
Opportunity
The stray balloon seemed to mock Glen, its string waving as it escaped. The nickel-plated nine millimeter was only minutes old, but the magazine was full and Glen was a good shot. Somewhere in the distance a dog barked. -
Early Texting
I’m amazed how we’ve become victims of our own progress. Our efforts to communicate in the most efficient ways have allowed us to become lazy and functionally illiterate. I fear that the generation that has learned to communicate via texting may suffer the worst. Sure, they can peck out the plot line to War & Peace in just seconds using thumbtack-sized keys, but their purposely condensed messaging comes at a significant cost. The 120 character minimum forces them to nix vowels, consonants and any other extraneous characters to get the word out fast. The problem is many of their abbreviated habits and typos rear their ugly heads when they try to express themselves in emails and… <gulp>… professional documents. AFAIK Joe Exec duznt wnt 2 hire u if u rite like ths in ur cvr ltr. ttyl -
Morning has fallen
Ridiculous, I know. Especially since I don’t even drink coffee. I thought if I did, this would definitely be the kind of day that would warrant downing a five-cup pot myself. If you are a coffee drinker, I hope you enjoy your 100% pure Columbian, premium Arabica, freeze-crystaled, freshly-ground java juice. -
Boyhood Fantasy #01
One of the best things about being the father of two boys is playtime. It’s not difficult for me to get caught up in the things they do because I was into a lot of the same things as a kid. Last night I was recruited into a Nerf Gun battle. I’m amazed, to say the least, at how much of an extended product line Nerf has created. Though my boys only possess the handgun variety, I see stores even have chain guns and swords now – sheesh! After some simple instructions on how to operate and load the weapon I was handed a six shot revolver and pushed toward the front lines. This morning, while debriefing about last night’s tactics, I asked my oldest son what Nerf should come out with next. Without hesitating he said, “a tank.” Imagine the fear of your enemies when you pull up in this baby. -
Evolution of the Idea
I never realized how ubiquitous the symbolism for an “idea moment” was until I considered its use in a historical context. The pre-twentieth century “ideas” don’t quite depict that flash moment of brilliance that we associate with turning on a light. Using the traditional incandescent bulb in today’s green-conscious world seems too anachronistic. Will adopting a revised symbol of the light bulb be necessary as advances in technology render the original unrecognizable? Add this to your list of things to lose sleep over. -
Disciplinary Football
Despite Vegas odds, it was upset Sunday in the NFL with several teams having their W and L columns adjusted. Among the most gratifying of wins was Green Bay’s 17-7 triumph over “America’s Team”. Statistically speaking the numbers weren’t very lopsided but between fumbles and turnovers (thanks to Woodson’s MVP performance) the Packers threatened the Cowboys the entire game with a shut-out. I have to give Romo credit though. He did manage to muster up enough self-respect to throw a face-saving touchdown completion with only 38 seconds left on the clock. Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a spanking, but I have to admit the shut-out would’ve been nice.