Category: Uncategorized

Every time I sit down to unlace my shoes I can’t help but think of Mr. Rogers and his OCD-laden opening routine. Granted, “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” wasn’t my favorite show growing up, but because it preceded Sesame Street, I tolerated it. Yes, the freaky puppet show (Lady Elaine Fairchilde and King Friday XIII) and that RC trolley (yeah, I see you working the switch, Fred!) were interesting enough, but the whole shoe changing bit during that melodic rendition of ‘Won’t You Be My Neighbor’ was strangely mesmerizing.

Anyone that could turn their homecoming into a symbolic ritual of casual pageantry deserved some attention and respect. The whole idea of taking off the days work coat and shoes, putting them away, and throwing on a comfortable cardigan and a pair of deck shoes may seem a little eccentric now, but the idea of everything having its time and place was not lost on me as a kid. In fact, I was very particular about neatness and would often go into ‘Butler Mode’ to pick up around the house. These fits of perfectionism have subsided for the most part. In fact, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I’ve shed almost any similarities to Mr. Rogers’ tidy wardrobe change.

Every generation has its influences with regard to hairstyles. The boys in my generation migrated from mop tops to spikes and ended up graduating with some sort of hair band-inspired mullet variation. Right now my son’s generation is highly influenced by the comb forward shag of teen crooner Justin Bieber. I don’t know much about this kid but it’s clear to me that no boy wants to be compared to him. I find this strange because they all seem to admire his hairstyle so much. Maybe it’s his falsetto voice and the mushy love songs that they want nothing to do with. Oh well, it’s better than a mullet.

Over the years I’ve developed a deep level of respect for those that can really golf well. It is undoubtedly, for me, the most humiliating and frustrating sport there is. Just when I think I should give up the game all together, I’ll hit the most picture perfect shot. Those ‘moments of glory’, I guess, have always kept me coming back.

My oldest son bought a set of clubs a while ago and for quite some time has asked me to take him golfing. Unfairly I let my own frustrations with the game affect my taking him. I relented finally and took him to the driving range to see how his patience would hold up. Last summer we drove, chipped and putted for a good hour or so before heading home. Like myself, he would get frustrated with how he was hitting the ball and I, with what little I know of the game, passed on pointers to help him out. He still really wanted to play a ‘real’ round, which I put off with the response ‘some day’.

Well, ‘some day’ turned out to be Friday last week. I took him out for his first real round of golf and, for the first time, I actually felt like a pretty accomplished golfer. My game hasn’t improved any but compared to his level of play, I was Tiger Woods. Time and again I’d watch him try to ‘kill’ the ball only to miss completely. With his frustration mounting and my advice increasing, I feared that we wouldn’t make it past two holes. I showered him with lots of encouragement to keep the game moving and he managed a few ‘moments of glory’. Surprisingly he persevered and after two hours we accomplished all nine holes. As angry as he was at how he played, not once did he threaten to quit. I’m really proud of him for that. His attitude actually made my game ‘better’.

We both learned a lot that morning. He learned that his Three Wood is his best club and I learned that I play much better when I don’t keep score. The fact that he thanked me for taking him (repeatedly) and him stating that he had a lot of fun (despite how he golfed) proved to me that it was more about spending time together than it was about golfing. That turned out to be the biggest lesson. Looks like I may have another reason to golf.

When it comes to auto repair I wish I was more mechanically gifted. I’m not completely worthless though. I mean, I understand the basics about how a car runs and the major parts that make the wheels go ’round. Heck, I even change my own oil, but for some reason when I take a vehicle in for servicing I’m completely at their mercy. Their goal obviously is to baffle me by bringing up terminology that I’m not familiar with. It’s like they go to the parts index of my car’s parts manual and find something wrong with the piece that the lay person would never be able to get at without pulling their engine completely out. Even when I feign some knowledge about the cost of items needing replacement they can always trump me with the infamous ‘labor’ line item. Seems like they always blame it on labor: “yeah, it’s not like the parts are real expensive, but it’s the labor.” I swear, either these mechanics are made of gold or my vehicle is so mechanically complex that accessing areas of the engine quickly is out of the question. I guess it’s dolts like me whose car problems guarantee that the owner of the garage can afford to drive a nicer vehicle than I do.

I suppose with something as ubiquitous as cell phone service, the goal for advertisers would be to create a commercial that the consumer will remember. Or is it ‘never forget’? Joining the ranks of such annoying, unforgettable classics as the Energizer Bunny and all those 1-800-Collect spots with Carrot Top are the Alltel boys! Like the redundant chorus from the Real McCoy’s “Come And Get Your Love” this series of commercials tortures me. In one recent spot, I actually laughed out loud (rather maniacally) when I saw all the polo-shirted geeks in the bucket of a garbage truck, facing impending doom as the vertically-coiffed Chad smiled on. I thought it was the end. False! Apparently the ratings of Alltel’s Chadvertising campaign are much too high to snuff out. In other words… it’s effective. Gah! The agony.

I’m always amazed when I read about the future of employment opportunities in this country. The economic oracles are always forecasting that most of the world’s jobs will be in the service sector. I think it’s high time someone cues in the younger generation about the importance of good service. I’ve been told there was a time when you paid for, and could expect exemplary service. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few decent employees out there who do get it, but for the most part what I witness is really disappointing and frustrating.

Once upon a time my wife worked in the service sector as a server and did quite well doing so because she understood what good service meant. She greeted customers with a smile and worked hard to make sure their dining experience was the best it could be. Even if things happened that were out of her control she did everything she could to make it better. The tips proved this time and again. I’ve always taken her word for it that good service is hard work!

As a customer she is rightfully very critical about any service position and actually goes out of her way to be a gracious customer. I’ve actually witnessed her greeting the local grocery check-out with a smile and a cheerful “how are you today?” only to be acknowledged with a grunt and an eye roll. This type of behavior to me is unacceptable and makes me want to jump out of my skin! I’d like to take these apathetic youngsters by their shirt collars and shake some sensitivity into them!

I mean, really? This is your job! You aren’t owed this position. Make the most of it! EARN your wage. Yes, I’m sorry you aren’t making the $50,000 salary you think you deserve and are instead forced to scan UPCs and punch keys on a computerized till (that even makes change for you) but if I were you I’d be fearful of losing that job! After all, there are some retail stores that have Self Check Outs. That’s right. Even the customer can do the job you’re doing! So what’s left? How about making the customer feel like no one else can do the job as well as you? Stand out from the crowd. That means being an exceptional human being when someone’s kind to you! And, even if they’re not kind to you, you should still be kind to them! Why? Because it’s your job! Your employer expects you to contribute to the customer’s overall satisfaction with their establishment so that they feel happy about their visit and are eager to return. That’s what a service position is all about! The customer’s satisfaction, not yours!

Of course, I can only vent here because I lack what probably needs to happen in order to change the service industry for the better – the assertiveness, courage and honesty to tell someone when they’re failing at their job! Instead I just shake my head in disbelief and wonder if it will ever improve.

We try to read to the boys in the evenings and encourage them to read on their own, but summer has been a little lax, so last night we started in on a novel. We’ve done the first four Harry Potter books (and abated only because we felt the themes were getting a little too intense for their age) so this time we thought we’d try a classic: “The Swiss Family Robinson” by Johann David Wyss.

After reading just two chapters last night I can tell that it’s going to be a bit thicker than what we’re used to. I realize the guy was Swiss but the translation into English has proven to rival the most lofty merchant ivory dialogue. My wife is a true Jane Austen warrior, so she’s been silently relishing my descent into the sludgy sentences. It’s been difficult not to affect a staunch British accent while narrating the words aloud.

After every few paragraphs I ask the boys what they think is happening. Surprisingly they’ve been following along and grasping the story quite well. They may not know what every word means, but repeated over in context with words they do know helps tremendously. We’ll see how this goes. Let’s see, only fifty-nine chapters to go. After a month of this, they should be ready for Masterpiece Theater.

I must be pretty hard on my socks. I’ve had at least three go AWOL in the past month. It’s like they wait all year balled up in my top dresser drawer planning their escape. Summer makes the most sense since I wear them so seldom (sorry socks, but you don’t look good in sandals). I can about imagine that conversation:

“It must be summer, Fruits, ” Loomer reasoned with his partner. “We haven’t seen the sun for so long. I don’t know about you, but I’m going CRAZY! I have to get out! I have to!! We’re moving towards the front of this drawer and if we do get out again, I’m never comin’ back. No sir! No more static winters and dark summers for me!…”

“Shut yer foot-hole, Tube Sock! How do you think I feel?!” interjected Long John.

“If you and Fruits do make it out, Loomer, please look for my mate,” pleaded Haney. “Ever since she left me, I’ve been stuck alone in this drawer, waiting to be paired again.”

Loomer reassured his lonely friend. “Will do, Haney. Will do!” Suddenly the drawer lurched open…

Hey, it’s America’s birthday! Get out there and celebrate the fact that you live in the greatest country on the planet… freely, safely and happily!

The passage of time may happen subtly, but reunions certainly reveal how long it’s truly been. This weekend I had the opportunity to celebrate 20 years with some of my high school classmates. Most of us came back a little thicker (in the middle) and a little thinner (on top), but aside from the obvious signs of age, were all easily recognized (okay, Facebook certainly helps). It’s probably cliche to say it, but it was a surreal experience to see everyone again. The four years we spent together in high school seemed like an eternity at the time, but relatively speaking, the same amount of time now seems like a drop in the pail. The saying, you’re only as old as you feel is very true. To those near and far that made the trip back, ‘thanks’ and ‘safe travels home’!